One week of school done for this semester.
A lot more to go. A lot more to get used to.
It’s been a while since I have blogged, posted, shot, or otherwise. I miss it.
I need to create and explore and test and practice. More. Much more.
I am learning though a little something with every day and that one more moment of life chalked up to experience. Sometimes the learning though is not easy. Not comfortable. Sometimes learning doesn’t seem so bad, but putting it into practice begins a whole new story and a whole new level of learning so to speak. Making the decision to act and apply what you have learned seems on the surface to be common sense and therefore easy. But as are many things in life, this is not always easy and sometimes is not desirable even at first, but is instead necessary and prudent. Learning God’s sovereignty is one thing. I should probably put learning there in quotation marks, since true learning entails the part about applying. But as a human being I often cop out and just “learn” on the surface. I don’t like to apply all the time. Changes due to applying true learning can sometimes hurt and catch us off guard. But the application results in a more complete level of learning and understanding. I ended a relationship of almost two years. Not easy. But necessary and even though I may not appreciate now I know God was moving and instructing. My mom got in a car accident today. She is fine, a couple staples instead of stitches, and she will probably be quite sore the next couple days, but she is doing very well considering. The car is gonna be totaled no doubt and honestly so should my mom. It would be the easy thing to say “Thank you God for Your sovereign grace in protecting my mom.” And I most definitely have been saying that throughout the day. But what if something worse had happened? What if she were in a hospital bed right now on the brink of death? What if she died on the spot? This is where true learning gets hard. Would I have still had said “Praise God for His sovereign grace in allowing fill in the blank to happen to my mom.” ? I am really not sure. I know that is what should be said and that is the truth, but I don’t know if I have learned that far yet. It is extremely easy to accept God’s sovereignty in smaller things like not getting the parking spot you wanted. And while it is not easy for more serious matters such as relationships and jobs, it is easier than the thought of not having your mom around anymore. Once this month already I have had to remind myself of where true satisfaction comes from. I have to remind myself and encourage myself just as David did when running from Saul, that I can be at peace with God’s sovereign will. I have to remind my soul that happiness is based on circumstances which are constantly changing in and out of my favor, but that my joy is to be found in Christ and His grace, which never changes and will last forever. But now again just a couple weeks later I am having to remind myself of His joy. His strength. His grace. Not mine.
I am learning, I hope truly learning, that no matter how big or how minute the situation seems to me, it is not about me. It is about the Creator of everything that is infinitely bigger than me. That even though I am struggling with change or loneliness or fear or doubt, I know He knows. I know He has a plan and purpose.

“I believe in the sun even when it is not shining, in love even when I don’t feel it, and in God even when He is silent.”

I don’t need to trip.
I just need to fall face down before His cross and throne every day.
Life is not always as peaceful and pleasant as a gentle stream.
Especially for the believer. Jesus tells us to expect the worst here on earth, but that nothing compares to what eternity has in store.
I mess up, I make mistakes, I blaspheme the name of the very Savior who offers peace and restoration.
But it is not about me.
It is all about Him, and His grace and Son.

“You can face the fact that you don’t measure up and not panic because Jesus has both met the Father’s requirements and satisfied his anger.” -Paul Tripp